To the Wild and Brokenhearted

This talk was given as part of the Auburn, WA Stake Conference on June 24, 2017.  It was published here on September 13, 2017.


Several weeks ago I attended my first Stake Council meeting as part of my relatively new role as Stake Director of Public Affairs.   In this meeting, we were discussing the Area Plan, and specifically, how our Stake is performing on some of the key indicators. 

If you are unfamiliar with the Area Plan, it is kind of like a Strategic Plan for our part of the world.  The vision expressed in the plan is beautiful, and in my opinion, encapsulates what it means to be a member of this church in this day and age.  The vision is to “Become, and help others to become, true followers of Jesus Christ and enjoy the blessings of the holy temple.”  I love that it focuses on our relationship with Christ, and helping others to develop a relationship with Him, and to seek the peace and rich blessings of the temple.

There are four priorities, which include:

• Live the gospel of Jesus Christ.
• Gather Israel through missionary work.
• Care for the poor and needy.
• Enable the salvation of the dead by identifying ancestors and performing vicarious temple ordinances for them.

The first time I read this plan last fall, I immediately began to think about things I could do in my family and in my calling to contribute to this joyful and needed work.  

But to be honest, as I kept reading the plan and got to the “Indicators of Progress,” I became a little discouraged. I was surprised to see that 4 of the 9 items listed were specific to males, and this was troubling to me.

In my family, there are 5 of us, unless you count our dog Cooper, who is fluffy and adorable and barks all the time.  We’ve been working on that.  For 3 years. 

My husband (for whom Cooper is one of life’s severest trials) will tell you that Cooper definitely does NOT count as a member of our family.  Therefore in our family of 5, 80% of us are female.  If you know my husband, you know that he is an absolute rock star of a human being.  But nonetheless, it made me sad that he is the only Longhurst whose progress “counts” on 45% of these indicators; and that my 3 daughters, who are also pretty rad humans, are not represented equally with their male counterparts when considering the Church’s progression.

I shared my concerns candidly with the Stake Presidency.  They were willing to consider my ideas and explore ways that we could, at least in our Stake, begin to track equivalent statistics for women and girls along with those for men and boys.

I am incredibly grateful for leaders who listen.  They didn’t try for a moment to explain my concerns away or to tell me how to feel.  They didn’t try to sweep me into a corner where they didn’t have to deal with me and my “feedback.” Instead they invited me here today to share what is in my heart.  Good leaders are a rare gift in this world, and as members of this Stake we are very lucky. 

As I have prayed and pondered about what I should share, a very clear and very specific message came into my mind and heart.  

I am here today to speak to those of you who feel, or have ever felt, like you don’t count.  I am here to speak to those who feel left out, marginalized, overlooked, forgotten, lonely, not good enough, or who in whatever way feel as if you don’t belong, or that you are not valued.

Maybe, like me, some of these feelings come from trying to find your place as a woman in this Church. Maybe you are trying to find your place as a person of color in the Church, or even in society in general. Maybe you are divorced, or gay, or unemployed, or a single parent.  Maybe you have unconventional political views. Maybe you are sick, or grieving, or don’t have any close friends who live nearby. Maybe you don’t speak English, or don’t speak it very well.  Maybe you have a disability.  Maybe your child does.  Maybe you are struggling with your testimony.  Maybe you are overwhelmed by church history.  Maybe you struggle with your body image and never like what you see in the mirror.  Maybe you are unhappy in your marriage.  Maybe you are exhausted and run down from simply trying to get yourself and your family through the week.  Maybe for one of these reasons, or possibly one of a million more, you feel like you don’t fully belong here as a member of Christ’s Church.

I am here today with a simple message: You are loved. And you are seen. You are valued. And you are needed.

I believe that at some point or another, all of us feel isolated in this Church.  If I’m being honest, the example that I shared of women’s role in the Area Plan is a small example for me, but it made me remember many other times I have not felt included that were deeply painful.  I know that I am not alone in feeling this way at Church.  I believe that this is a Universal experience, but it is really hard to talk about.  

I work at a non-profit organization that teaches ballroom dance to young people.  A few years ago we had a student on one of our teams who was feeling left out.  As the days wore on, his feelings of isolation and exclusion increased, and he was becoming more and more lonely.  Then one day, he made a choice.  Rather than waiting for someone else to include him, he decided to include himself.  Although he felt awkward at first, he began joining conversation circles and making an effort to approach and sit by others.  Over time, his efforts to include himself worked, and soon he felt included by his teammates.  He also became aware of those around him who might be feeling left out and made special efforts to help welcome them.  Sometimes we simply need to have the courage to include ourselves.

And sometimes, including ourselves doesn’t work.  In the Book of Mormon we learn about the prophet Alma, who goes to preach to the Zoramites.  When he gets there, he finds that they have built a tall stage called a Rameumpton, and every week they gather there in their fine apparel and expensive jewelry to boast of how much better they are than their brethren.  We don’t have to look far to find modern day parallels to this situation, and sometimes we see them even within our own church.

Alma and his brethren go and find the poor, who have been cast out. 

They are sad, but this experience has allowed them to be receptive to the message of the gospel. 

In Alma 32:8:

“I behold that ye are lowly in heart, and if so, blessed are ye.” 

We learn later in verse 12 that their humility was a gateway to wisdom.  And that wisdom was the gateway to salvation through the Atonement.

Throughout the scriptures, the Lord asks for a very specific sacrifice from us, that of a “broken heart and a contrite spirit.” Like the poor Zoramites, the sacrifice of a broken heart is the pathway to eternal life through Jesus Christ.

Growing up, I think I was willing to offer a broken heart as long as it didn’t hurt too much. Looking back, I think I wanted to offer more of a slightly cracked or chipped heart than a broken heart.  It has taken me many years to realize that when the Lord says broken heart, it means that your heart really does have to break wide open.  This isn’t pretty and it isn’t fun.  But this is why we are here having this human experience.  We are here so that our hearts can break.  And not just once, but again and again and again.

And as much as we can feel marginalized, cast out, forgotten, and overlooked in these broken-hearted moments, I believe that these are the times that the Lord is closer than ever.  If we will let Him, He is ready to put all of those broken pieces back together, but in a new way.  This is how we grow.  This is the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  Some of our most painful experiences teach us the most, especially about love and compassion. 

In closing I’d like to share what is quite possibly my favorite poem.  This is a poem about belonging when you feel like you don’t.  This poem is for anyone who feels left out, unworthy, and unloved. 

Wild Geese

By Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.

I would like to leave you with my testimony that our Savior loves you.  He has created this beautiful earth with so much variety—trees, flowers, mountains, a new sunset each day, giraffes, wolves, bumble bees, raccoons, dolphins, the wild geese, and You.

And like the wild geese, you are uniquely loved exactly as you are. You have an important place in the family of things.