Sunday, February 7, 2010

And the race is on . . .

I want to start by saying that I am normally a very careful, attentive, speed-conscious driver. Although, after I tell this story, I am certain that no one is going to believe me.

I also want to say that everything that happened is Matt's fault.

The problem is that when Matt gets in a car, all of a sudden he becomes an alpha male. When we are going somewhere together he ALWAYS has to drive, which works because I prefer to be chauffeured. When we drive separately, his car always has to be in front of mine. Even if I start out ahead, he always has to zoom up and maneuver his way in front of my car. Another thing he likes to do if we are going to the same location at the same time (for example from the dance studio to our home) is to take an alternative route and drive really fast so that he can get home a few minutes before me, thus asserting his superiority.

I usually just roll my eyes at the whole thing, but then the girls have caught on to his antics and started egging me on: "Go Mommy! Beat Daddy!" Pretty soon they figured out that even if I tried a little, Daddy would always up the ante and he would win, which was always highly disappointing to them. Now when they get in the car with me they roll down their window and yell, "Daddy, it's not a race!" But if they are riding with him, it is a race. So basically I'm the driving loser.

On Friday night we were driving home from Grandma and Grandpa Longhurst's house. We had met there on our way to a dance performance. Cora and Sydney were riding with Matt, and Maryn was riding with me. I managed to pull out first, also unusual because normally if I start pulling out first, Matt will cut me off. He tried to make up for it by going a different way out than I did, but I still beat him. I stayed in front of him until we got onto the freeway. And for some reason, I decided that I was not going to let him win. I would prove to Matt that he wins because I let him, not because I can't.

I knew that at some point he would make his move. But I decided that I would drive strategically, and pace other slow cars so that he wouldn't be able to get around me. This worked for several miles. I knew what he was going to attempt to do. He was going to wait and stay behind me until right before the exit, and then he would try to bust around me, cut me off, and beat me home. Classic Matt.

But I was ready.

And sure enough, right before the exit, I saw the headlights closing in on me. He was coming up on my left side. I thought to myself, "Oh no you don't, buddy. Not this time." I accelerated. I imagined the girls in the other car yelling "Go Daddy Go! Go Daddy Go!" But Mommy was going to win this time. Mommy was all in.

Matt was being stubborn. Those headlights kept coming. I accelerated more, determined to stay in front. We kept up this way for a bit, drag racing down HWY 18, but I managed to keep my edge. Finally I looked down and noticed that I was going more than 90 miles an hour. I NEVER drive 90 miles an hour, especially with my kids in the car. I wasn't willing to put my children's life at risk to win, and I was mad that he was. So I hit the breaks and got ready to give him the look of death as he passed with his cheeky grin.

But as the front end of the car came up to where I could see it in my rear view mirror, I didn't see the 4 Audi circles I was expecting. Instead I saw a push bumper and realized, to my horror, that it was a cop.

And that was when my heart dropped into my stomach and I knew I was in sooooo much trouble.

The cop continued coming up on my left side, flashed his lights for a bit, looked over at me and raised his arms like, "What are you thinking, lady?"

I am not quite sure what was registering on my face at the time. But if there is one expression for shock, horror, disbelief, guilt, and please-please-please-don't-give-me-a-ticket-I-promise-I-will-never-do-this-again, that was probably the expression that was on my face.

I slowed way down and waited to see what he would do. If he was going to pull me over, he would need to get behind me. But he didn't, he just continued zooming down the highway. Thankfully, he had bigger fish to fry.

I got off at my exit and stopped at the stop sign at the end of the ramp. That was when Matt came up on my left side, rolled down his window, and started yelling his lecture. "Are you serious!!? Did you not see him? Did you not see the other one? What were you . . . . "

I didn't stick around to hear the rest of it, because there was only one thing on my mind at the time--I could still win.

So I just sneered at Matt and screeched away.

It was very satisfying to be the first one pulling into the garage. I knew that Matt was going to pretend to be all mad about the cop, when really he was just mad that I beat him.

Sure enough he came in with his eyebrows raised, walking all slow and authoritatively with his arms folded. Classic Matt.

Cora and Sydney came following behind to see what was going to happen. I pretended to be busy folding clothes.

"What was that?" he asked.

"What was what?"

"Were you really that oblivious that you didn't see the cop?"

"I was listening to a story on NPR."

"You flew by another one before that as well. Did you not see that one?"

"Nope."

"Girls, what do you think about what Mommy did? Is she setting a good example?"

Cora: "What did Mommy do?"

Matt: "Why don't you let Mommy tell you what she did?" And he waited for me to tell them how I broke the law and it was so wrong and I was very bad and I got in trouble with the police officer and they should never, never, do what I did.

Me: "Well girls . . . . MOMMY WON! Wooo hoooooooo!" And I threw my arms up in the air and started dancing around the bedroom. Then Cora and Sydney got all excited and started jumping up and down with me. "Mommy won! Mommy won! Mommy won!"

Matt (still trying to be all serious): "Girls, what did you think when the police officer flashed his lights at Mommy?"

Cora: "I don't really remember that."

Me and Sydney in the background: "Mommy won! Mommy won!"

Finally, Matt couldn't help but smile at me. It helped that I hadn't been slammed with a big fat ticket.

"I can't believe you raced a cop. You know that's what you were doing don't you? You were RACING a cop."

"Oh yeah. I know."

"I guess you know what you're blogging about this week."

"Yup."

And he smiled, shook his head, and went into the other room.

I will still let Matt win most of the time. But now it will be different. I don't think he will again underestimate the capabilities of a determined and stubborn woman.

9 comments:

  1. The apple (Matt) has not fallen far from the tree (Grandpa Dave). Only difference is it was a chorus of boys encouraging me to go faster! Go Heather!!!

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  2. I LOVE THIS!!!!!!! I can so see this going down. Thanks for sharing! :) : ) :)

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  3. Oh my. This happens with the Pages too. The racing each other, not the racing of cops. BTW, you could have gone to jail for criminal speed. Seriously, Coby sent a lady to jail for less.

    Once I was so proud of myself for beating Coby home, that I had the boys stand in front of his parking space and chant "We won! We won! We won!" when he pulled in. I said "Ha! We totally smoked you!" Because we had been waiting for a while. To which Coby replied "Oh, were we racing? I stopped to get the mail." That totally ruined my moment.

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  4. I am very happy that I didn't go to jail.

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  5. I Matt's defense, every time I've ridden with him he hasn't even shown a hint of that kid of aggression. I really have to question your description of his driving habits. I'm just sayin.'
    As to tickets, you're SO lucky they didn't pull you over. It's an automatic arrest and vehicle impound for that kind of violation. I imagine the girls in the county lock-up would have found you to be kind fo a cute and innocent new playmate.

    Count your blessings.

    BTW, stay away from Ben Giles. He practically killed us all trying to race me to church, with his newborn infant in the car no less. His wife inflicted a permanent limp on him for his shennanigans.

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  6. For the record, even though I am choosing to laugh rather than cry, I am very very remorseful about driving that fast and I will never do it again. I take full responsibility for my own actions and hopefully others will learn from my mistake. I realize I was lucky in more ways than one.

    I also find it interesting how many women have told me that their husbands race them and always have to drive in front . . . so I want to know what all you guys are trying to prove?

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  7. It's a good thing you didn't marry Ben Giles because Ben Talbert is right: He drives like a madman.

    I take HWY 18 into Redmond each morning and I don't think I've hit 85 before. I'll wait until I'm working late and decide to book it down I5 before I reach the speeds you were traveling.

    Glad you didn't end up in the slammer. Although it would have made for awesome Auburn Ward gossip and a killer blog entry.

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  8. I think the truth needs to be told:

    Matt is really not all that competitive, though that's what he'd like you to believe. This seemingly macho racing tradition is but a thin veil to cover a personal issue. Namely, he has a pea sized bladder. Is he racing? Yes, but not you.

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  9. Heather. You were already on my hero's list, but now you get like, a golden star next to your name. Just sayin'. You GO girl!

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